"My heart is still pounding…"

(Source: zeino-edits, via pizza)

trust:

when ur outfit on point but ur plans get cancelled

image

(Source: trust, via zackisontumblr)

rambozus:

itsmemorized:

Oh my GOD
My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes “like a cheaply made castle” and we were like what and he goes “no ballroom”
GRANDPA NO

Grandpa yes.

(via bastille)

cakejam:

when u want something but the price just too much

image

(Source: cakejam, via bastille)

hedgehog-goulash7:

preludes-and-prufrock:

awwdish:

thestraggletag:

thestraggletag:

submariet:

VAN EYCK

I lost it at the end.

Okay, I had to check out the Van Eyck thing. I was a bit in denial because, come on, every single person can’t look like President Putin!

There are no words to describe how wrong I was.

Reblogging this for my art history class this semester

buwhahaha

The art historian in me had to reblog this.

(Source: cheekygeekymonkey, via pizza)

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.  Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

(via pizza)

queenoftheshucks:

chaoticbanter:

catsbeaversandducks:

Comic by ©The Oatmeal

I laugh, but it’s frighteningly true

I can’t stop laughing

(via pizza)

zanemalicks:

notafuckingwizard:

Favourite Australian saying: “have a good one”. Have a good what? We’ll never tell. You’ll never know Australian secrets.

i live in the usa and i hear and say this all the time yall aint special

(via pizza)

(Source: bricesander, via seedy)

just-relatable:

Relatable posts daily?

anorganizedprocrastination:

hilariousfandomurl:

aria-the-apple:

Sometimes I judge people by how much of The Princess Bride they can quote. 

fun fact At my cousin’s wedding ceremony, his brother recited this to them as the best man speech and everyone started laughing and i think the bride started to cry

If this is not recited at some point during my wedding I will be greatly disappointed.

(Source: gothamcityneedsahero, via stability)

ocean-eyez:

healthfitnessfoodhumour:

Dumbbell exercises to master by Greatist

cloudierskies

theirs:

a zoo of dogs dressed up as other animals

(via relahvant)